That's just crazy talk!

Finally, Christmas is over! Yay! Well, almost… still a few more celebrations to go.

The only parts of Christmas I still like are seeing family (but not having to chose between who to go see since they are usually on the same day) and giving people their presents. The Monday before Christmas our Monday crew did presents for the Monday crew kiddos. I just love buying presents for them and watching them open them!! They are finally getting to the age that they know what presents are and they like opening them. Hopefully next year there will be 4 more kids. ;)

Christmas Eve Phil and I had his mom and grandma over for dinner. I made a yummy pork roast with mashed potatoes, stuffing, corn, buns, etc. We had the whole works except instead of pie we had ice cream. :) After hanging out for a bit they went home and Phil and I opened presents. Phil got me a mini laptop and I was completely surprised. I can usually guess what he got me and I had no idea. But I’m very happy with it. My old laptop was about 8 years old and was a monster. So it was time for an update. I got Phil a Kindle Fire and I’m excited to see how it works. Hopefully he will get a lot of use out of it.

Christmas morning I headed to Brainerd alone to spend time with my mom’s side of the family. I haven’t seen them the last two years for Christmas so I thought I would skip my dad’s side this year and go up there. It was definitely good to see everyone but I missed my dad’s side and being in the car for 6 hours that day wasn’t my favorite thing. But I fully enjoyed seeing my little sister open all her presents! She is so darn cute and she loved the zebra backpack that I got her and the cupcake shirt.

Friday I’m celebrating Christmas with my Monday crew. We are all going to a comedy club for dinner and a show. I don’t think any of us have done that before so it should be a fun new experience!! I can’t wait!

Last but not least, next week I’m having a little “Christmas” with my brother and his girlfriend. We are just going to go out for dinner. Nice and simple - just the way I like it. :)

I remember when Christmas time used to be so easy and so much fun. Our family would always go to church on Christmas Eve and then go home, eat a nice dinner and then open our presents (except for our stockings). When we were still gullible my mom would always rush to put the presents under the tree and put half eaten cookies on the counter while we were waiting for her in the truck with dad ready to go to church. When we got home from church my dad would tell us to look at the roof really close and we could see the reindeer tracks. Of course we believed him and I have a foggy memory of getting so excited because I thought I saw the reindeer tracks on the roof! Man I was gullible. Christmas morning we would wake up really early and dig into our stockings (one of my favorite parts of Christmas) and then lay around in our PJs until it was time to go.

We would always have one Christmas with my dad’s side of the family at my grandma and grandpa’s house (which was almost directly across the road from our house). My grandma made the best meals and treats!! Oh how I miss those dinners! I am the only girl on that side of the family. My aunt has 4 boys and my uncle has 1 boy and then it is me and my 2 brothers. But when I was a kid I was a tomboy so I fit right in!

We also had Christmas with my mom’s side of the family at my Aunt Laura’s house in Stillwater. It’s funny because every time we drove to Stillwater we would pass Andersons and my dad would always tell us about the time he worked there. We had heard the story a million times but he would still tell us every time we drove past there. Christmas with my mom’s side of the family was always one of my favorite times of the year. Again, I was the only girl in the family but I fit in with the boys just fine. We were really close with my cousins on my mom’s side so we always had a ton of fun together.

Now that we are grown things have changed immensely. First, my grandma passed away so Christmas with my dad’s side of the family was never the same. Then my parents got divorced and I felt like I had to choose who to go see on Christmas. Since my mom lived a few hours away it was hard to do both. By that time Phil and I had been together for a few years and I started going to his family events as well. Then my dad died and that changed my whole view on Christmas. This will be my third Christmas without my dad and I still don’t want to put up the Christmas tree. I still do it every year in the hopes that I get into the Christmas spirit but all I want to do is take down the tree. I don’t even turn the Christmas lights on anymore. At least I have very fond memories of what Christmas used to be about - family. Maybe when Phil and I have kids of our own I will be more inclined to get back into the Christmas spirit for them.

December 4, 2009 was the last time I talked to my dad. We talked for about 40 minutes while I was on my way home from New Richmond. I remember most of our conversation very clearly and I remember the end of our conversation like it was yesterday. Towards the end of our conversation we were joking around and I was telling him to stop texting me stupid and racist jokes (he had just learned to text and forward jokes so I got them all the stinkin time). He laughed and said fine, he won’t send me anymore of those. Then he said he wanted to send me an actual picture of a 12 pt buck he shot. I told him those are the kinds of pictures he can send me! I got off the phone with him seconds later and seconds later I got his text. It was another racist joke. Here is the 12 pt buck:


I remember laughing so hard at how dumb my dad could be. I remember getting home and talking to Phil about how it and feeling so proud that he was my dad.

Today marks 2 years since my dad died and I’m still not dealing with it. I thought I would at least attempt to do something about it so I decided to write how I feel. This blog is mainly for myself and I don’t care who reads this. Like I said, this is for me and I don’t care what anyone else thinks about it. Judge me if you wish. I need to get this off my chest and I can’t seem to talk about it out loud so I thought I’d write it on paper (so to speak).

I think about my dad very often and I miss him very much. Sometimes my eyes will start to fill with tears and every so often a few will drop but most likely, they won’t. This is because shortly after I start to feel sad and miss him I get extremely angry. I have an extremely strong hate towards skank (I will not bring myself to even say her name because she doesn’t deserve that). Skank was my dad’s “wife”. She was nothing but a negative part in my dad’s life. Weeks before the accident my dad wanted a divorce. He spoke open about wanting one but he didn’t want to have to go through it again – but he knew he had to. She is the reason why my dad isn’t here today. I still can’t explain what happened that horrible, horrible night but I do feel strongly about one thing – it was no accident. They got in a fight that night so he stormed home and went to work. My mind travels from one theory to another. Either way, no matter which theory of mine I go with, she is the reason why he’s not here.

After he died her greedy, selfish ways came out even stronger. I’m not going to get into all the details of that but I just have to say that I HATE HATE HATE her so much for ruining his life and turning ours upside-down. She tortured us for over a year after my dad died by being a constant greedy bitch and yet even though I haven’t seen or talked to her in almost a year she is still torturing me to this day. I wish so much that I could just get her out of my head. I want to stop hating but I feel like I can’t get past my anger. I want to miss my dad without her popping into my head and without all of the anger I feel. I want to remember my dad and only my dad.

That’s all I can get out today.

Thanksgiving weekend was quite nice. It felt so good to have a four day weekend. Thanksgiving itself wasn’t that great. Like I said before, I’m not a fan of the holidays so much anymore. We went over to Phil’s mom’s house for a small gathering and then went home early to try to take naps since we were both going to be up all night. We both attempted to take naps but we both failed miserably. Oh well. Black Friday shopping was a success. I wasn’t as tired as I thought I would be. We started out at Wal-Mart and didn’t find anything good there. Then we hit Target, Kohl’s, JC Penny and then Menards. I got a few good things. I got Phil his Xbox from Target - $60 off normal price. Bought a few shirts, blankets, sheets, storage rack, cubby shelf thing, towels, etc. That’s about it though. I think this was my fourth year Black Friday shopping and I think I spent the least amount of money this year. Hopefully next year all the stores will go back to opening at 5:00 a.m. instead of midnight. It’s just more fun that way. I got home about 8:30 a.m. thinking I wasn’t tired at all. I sat on the couch and was out like a light shortly thereafter. I got a nice 3 hour nap in and the rest of the day was spent lounging on the couch.

Last night I was sitting on the couch watching Bones (trying to catch up on the episodes I’ve missed) and I see a hole on the corner of the couch and the corner is soaked with slobber. It’s only about the size of a quarter but it’s a hole with stuffing about to come out. I was just pissed. This is the second hole in our couch in the last week and Winston is on my shit list. We got these couches about 5 years ago but they are still really nice couches and I don’t want any more holes. So from now on Winston is no longer trusted outside his kennel without anybody home or even if we aren’t in the room. He goes in his kennel when we are sleeping, when I’m showering and getting ready for work, when we are downstairs (since he isn’t allowed downstairs) or when we aren’t home. Hopefully he will learn his lesson darn fast. I’m so sick and tired of him being a puppy. I can take the holes in the yard from his digging. I can take the stuffing all over the house from when he rips apart his dog bed or a toy. I can take him getting into the toilet and garbages. What I can’t take is him ripping apart our couch. I love that dog but he is sure testing my patience.

Next topic. I’d love to get Vader fully potty trained. When I’m home he knows he needs to pee outside and he is a good boy and always lets me know that he wants out. When I’m not home it’s a different story. Apparently he can’t hold his bladder the 8 hours a day nobody is home – or he just doesn’t care. He also goes on the carpet sometimes at night. I know that the best way to fix this is to crate train him while we aren’t home and while we sleep but Phil says he won’t allow it. Things will need to change! I’m sick of cleaning up the house when I get home every day. Ugh, I’m so sick and tired of cleaning up after 4 animals!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next topic. Black Friday is this weekend. I’m more excited for Black Friday than I am for Thanksgiving. I’ve been more excited for BF over Thanksgiving for the last few years. Thanksgiving is no longer the same. I don’t really want to go into my reasons because it is just depressing and who wants to get depressed during the holidays. BF will be different this year. All the stores are opening up at midnight instead of 5 or 6 a.m. This kind of sucks but we are still going to do it! We (Jewells, Loin and I) are starting at midnight and will go until about 7-7:30 a.m. We are going to be dead tired by morning! I’m the lucky one I guess because I can go home and take a nap. Jewells has to go home to a baby and Loin has to work. But it will be worth it. Hopefully we will get some good stuff at good prices! I’m sure I’ll blog about it at a later date and let you know what kind of goods I find.

Next topic. I’ve been sick for a week now. Started out with a horrible sore throat and a pounding headache and now I’ve got a runny nose and keep getting stuffed up. Not fair. I’ve been sick more in the last 2 years then in the last 10 years put together! I was even sick 2 ½ months ago with bronchitis and now I’ve got a stupid cold?! WTF my body hates me. My body has also decided to be a jerk and instead of my periods lasting 6-7 days like they did on birth control, they now last 9-10 days. Too much information, I know but I just had to say it because it sucks.

Next topic. My brother shot a deer a sent me a picture of him with the deer. The picture is the exact replica of a picture I have of my dad taken a few years ago. They are both holding the deer’s head up in the box of the truck with the same shit grin on their face and the same unshaven face. The only difference in the pictures are that Justen’s hair is blonde and my dad’s was black and Justen doesn’t have a beer gut like my dad did. Other than that, he is his father’s son through and through. I wish I had the pictures to show you how exactly the same they are. Breaks my heart.

Last night Phil and I were sitting on the couch watching a movie and all of a sudden the door bell rang. We both looked at each other like – wtf, I’m not expecting anyone. Turns out it was someone dropping off a card and a wreath from the realtor who handled our closing on our house. What a nice surprise!! If anyone who is reading this and wants to sell their house or is looking to buy a house I would strongly suggest you use Jackie Henderson Kumm from Edina Realty! To be honest, she wasn’t even our realtor but she is the reason why we closed on our house. She kicks ass and knows how to get shit done (and saved me some money)! :-) Now, who doesn’t like saving money? ;-)

Tonight I get to go out with my three favorite gal pals for a girl’s night out! We are getting dinner at BWW’s and then going to see The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1. I’m so stinking excited for being able to hang out with just the girls – no boys. I could really use some girl time after the crappy week I had. And I’m also quite excited to see the movie! I’m hoping it’s good!

In the last year I have painted the following: 1 kitchen and then re-painted the same kitchen, 2 dining rooms, 2 living rooms, 2 bathrooms, 1 bedroom, 2 stairways and 1 stairway re-painted again, and 2 hallways (only one of these rooms being small). Ufdah! So, let’s add one more room to the list - Saturday I spent the majority of my day painting my office. I’ve had the paint for probably about 6 months and I’m finally putting it on the walls! I finished it on Sunday, got it cleaned and mostly organized, and also had Phil put in my new desk! By new I mean a desk that Phil built – not one we bought. The only thing I’m missing is a couch and a nice warm blanket! All I can say is that I don’t want anything to do with another can of paint until it’s time to paint Baby K’s room (and no I’m not pregnant).

Hi, my name is Jessie and I’m addicted to TV. I started yet another new show – Private Practice. I can’t even count how many shows I watch now. My favorite thing is when I decide to watch a show that started a few years back because then I have 100 or so episodes to watch. Then I can watch them one after the other and not have to wait each week for a new episode and then wait until the new season starts in the fall. I get so into the shows that I don’t want to do anything else. I could spend my entire Saturday watching the same show episode after episode. Phil and I have recently done this with Rescue Me, Sons of Anarchy, Raising Hope, The Walking Dead, and Numbers. I also like to have MY shows on the side so when Phil is busy I can watch one of my series… so, like I said right now it’s Private Practice and I’m addicted. Before that was Grey’s Anatomy, Gilmore Girls (a few times) and the Secret Life of the American Teenager. Phil hates this about me… All I have to say is I love instant Netflix!!!

Sucks being a woman. Why is it that our monthly “friend” as they call it, can be so mean? Sometimes I feel like it takes over my entire body. I get bad back aches, headaches, get bloated and I feel like crap. Not only does it take over my body but it seems to take over my mind as well. I’m exhausted, get cranky very easily, I’m much more sensitive and sometimes I get depressed – like this month. The last few days I’ve been so down that I just don’t feel like talking to anyone. I just want to go home, sit on the couch and watch my shows. I don’t want any interruptions and I just want to be sad. Which is what I did last night when I got home from work. I didn’t want to talk to Phil and he tried so hard to make me feel better (I feel bad for him around this time of the month). Nothing works. So I just sat there, watching Grey’s Anatomy, with my bowl of ice cream for supper, not talking to anyone. Why is it that our hormones go nuts this time of the month!? It’s not fair. Not fair at all.

I’ve gone back to reading books finally. After major wedding planning went into effect I didn’t really have time to read (basically all summer). Most of my reading I do on my lunch hour at work and my lunches were overtaken by the wedding. I either was searching for ideas for the wedding on my lunch or making calls to venders, etc. Even if I didn’t have any specific wedding stuff to do that day I was still on the internet doing wedding crap due to the fact that I couldn’t think about anything else (and I must say that I’m so glad I’m done with it). So, back to the topic at hand. I started my reading kick off with the Hunger Games. I loved, loved, loved the first book! I couldn’t stop reading it. The only part I didn’t like about the book was the way it ended. Obviously it was set up for another book. Good thing I had the second book and I went straight to that one. The second book was good as well but not quite as good as the first. Then I read the third book which took me the longest to get through. I liked it but it was not nearly as good as the first or second. I don’t want to give anything away so I won’t go into it. All I have to say is: I love Peeta! :) They decided to make the Hunger Games into a movie as well and the first movie comes out in March of 2012. :)

Now that I’m done with the Hunger Games I’m on to my next book. My friend, Loin borrowed me her book that she loved, Matched. I’m going to start reading that today. Apparently this one is a series as well. The second book comes out Nov. 1st. :) I’m pretty sure I’ll like this book as well.


Speaking of new arrivals – Coldplay, Mylo Xyloto comes out October 24th!! I’m so stinking excited for this CD. I can’t wait to hear when they are coming to Minneapolis for a concert. I’m definitely going! And maybe their Milwaukee and Chicago concerts as well. ;) ;) That’s how much I love Coldplay!


See, this is another reason why I love fall! Tons of good books, CDs and new seasons of my favorite shows come out! :)

Do dogs act out just like children when they don’t get what they want?

This morning I noticed the corner of the pillow was chewed up. I initially blamed the cat since it was such a small hole and she likes to chew on the edge of things. It irked me but I blew it off and went to take a shower. After I got out of the shower I opened the bedroom door and let the dogs come in and hang with me while I got ready (like I do every morning). I was in the bathroom doing my routine and looked into the bedroom to find this:


What a naughty dog! At first I couldn’t’ tell what it was but then I realized it was Winston’s bed and he is totally excited and chewing it to shreds. He hasn’t done this in a long, long time. We were even thinking that he has outgrown all of this bad behavior and were going to wean him off his kennel (he goes in his kennel while we are at work and at night). Guess not yet.

After walking out to the kitchen for breakfast I found an even bigger mess of fluff:


So, why do I ask if he is acting out? Well, he went to the vet on Monday for his rash and they told us that he is overweight. So, we have to start feeding him only 3 cups of food a day. I’m pretty sure we were feeding him twice that amount. So the poor little guy thinks he is starving. Another reason why I think he is acting out is because he has to be on antibiotics for three weeks. He gets two pills in the morning and two at night. We have tried everything to make him eat his pills w/out spitting them out. We’ve put them in his food, put peanut butter on them, bread, sandwich meat, etc. He eats the good stuff and then spits the pills back out. So I literally have to open his mouth and cram them down his throat until he is gagging and then hold his mouth shut until he swallows. So anyways, I think he is mad at us for withholding his food and shoving pills down his throat and that’s why he is acting out. This naughty stage better end quickly!

I’m just going to warn you now - this post is mainly for me. It’s kind of a diary so I don’t forget the details of our wedding - so you might get bored. I was going to wait to post this until I received my pictures from the photographer but that might be up to another 3 weeks from now. So, I’ll post pictures when I get them. Until then…

Phil and I got engaged 10.31.10 and married 9.16.11. The day we thought would take forever finally came! Let’s start out on Thursday – rehearsal day. Phil and I spent Thursday running around trying to get everything finished for the big day. We ran to Woodbury to pick up his tux, then ran to Hudson to do some last minute Wal-Mart shopping for things we needed for our honeymoon and the wedding and then to the grocery store to get the remaining food items we needed. Later that day we headed to The Orchard to drop off everything and pay for the food/alcohol (largest restaurant bill I’ve ever paid before, that’s for sure). After that we headed to the farm to meet all of our friends/family who were in the wedding (except Rachel and Val since they didn’t fly in until 8:00 p.m. and Patrick since, well he decided not to come). We finished decorating the farm (which didn’t take much), did a few quick run throughs of the ceremony and then ate some food. I was kind of a mess because I get anxiety over the smallest of things (thanks to my mother). I was trying to remember everything we had to do and figure out for the big day. Afterwards some of us headed to the Orchard to finish decorating. It didn’t take us long to decorate since we didn’t need to do much. Before we left I wanted everyone who was there to put their fingerprints on our guestbook (which was a painting of a tree that people would put their fingerprints on). It’s a good thing we tried that because the ink I bought didn’t look good. It was way to light. Then I started to panic, realizing that our guestbook isn’t going to work and we had no time to fix the problem. Then Phil’s cousin’s girlfriend said she could run to Woodbury and pick up some darker inks that would look good. Thank god for Katie!! She ended up picking out some awesome colors and it turned out perfect. After decorating we headed home to wait for Phil’s sisters and their other halves to arrive from the airport. Josh and Loin decided to come hang out with me while we waited for them since my nerves were high and I needed the company so I didn’t flip out. So they sat their listening to me vent about what was irking me. Phil’s sisters didn’t get to our house until around 11:00 so it was a good thing Josh and Loin came over to keep me company. We hung out for a little bit and then Phil had to leave (since we didn’t want to see each other on the day of – old tradition). Right before midnight I kicked Phil out and then we all went to bed (or at least attempted to go to bed).

Friday morning I slowly got up and then Loin and I headed to town to get my hair and makeup done. It was really weird getting my makeup done. I’ve never had anyone do that for me before. After I was all dolled up we headed back to my house where the rest of the girls were getting ready. We had some lunch and a few mimosas and then headed to the farm. They boys took their pictures first so they left right before we got there. Right when we got to the farm I got into my dress and then she took my photos and ones with my bridesmaids. Then we went to hide in the house until the ceremony. About a half hour before the ceremony I started to get really nervous and started to feel sick to my stomach. I wasn’t nervous about marrying Phil, I was nervous about all those people staring at me! So, the half hour before the ceremony was a blur to me. I know there was people coming up to me dragging me in every direction. First the DJ has tons of questions, then the photographer wants the rings, ect then family members came in and wanted to see me, then the DJ again with more problems, blah blah blah. Then it was time. I saw Phil out the window walking our mothers down. Justen and I were in the porch watching, waiting for our turn. He started to get emotional and then that made me emotional but I kept it together. It was difficult to be walking down the aisle without my dad but I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to do it in his place. I remember walking down the aisle and not really paying attention to anything until I saw Phil. I could tell that he was “emotional” and then that made me tear up again. The ceremony felt like it went by really fast and really slow at the same time. My legs were shaking so bad because I was so nervous. I’m sure everyone thought it was because it was so chilly out but it was all nerves. After the ceremony was done I felt soooo much better! I finally felt like I could breath! After the ceremony Phil and I hurried off to take more photos of just us and then we got the whole gang together to take more. After taking all the pictures we headed to the Orchard. We got there a little ahead of schedule so we decided to get a drink and relax before the big grand entrance. When we did the grand entrance I asked that everyone “bust a move” when their names were announced. I’m pretty sure most of them did but unfortunately I couldn’t see them and didn’t get anything on camera. Anyways, after we made our entrance we sat down for dinner. The food was ok. I remember the taste test being better. Oh well. Lots of people said they enjoyed the food. After the food came the toasts. Jimmy P was Phil’s best man so he had a little speech and then Jewells, my maid of honor did her speech. We all know that I cry over anything and her speech made me tear up so there is nothing out of the ordinary there. Phil and I argued about who would do our thank-you speech and I won because Phil manned up and took the mic. After dinner we had our cake cutting and then started mingling. It was so good to see everyone. There were people there that I’ve never met (like Phil’s cousin from Washington) and people that I haven’t seen in years (like my godparents and Phil’s aunts/uncles from his dad’s side). The rest of the night I spent mingling, dancing and having fun! By 11:30 I was exhausted. I couldn’t have asked for a better night. Yes there were tiny mistakes all over the place that bugged me but nothing is ever perfect. All that matters is that Phil and I got married and all the people that mattered to us most were there to help celebrate our love.

WARNING: Long post with too many pictures.

Phil and I got married 9.16.11. I'll talk about the wedding on a different post because I don't have the pictures from the photographer yet. But here is a sneak peak...

The hubby and I left for our honeymoon on 9.18.11 bound for Orlando, FL. We stayed in the Walt Disney World Resorts at the Buena Vista Palace for 6 nights. The first night we arrived we walked around Downtown Disney looking for food and then went back to the hotel and relaxed for the rest of the night since we didn't get to the hotel until around 9 or 10 p.m. The hotel was nice and we had a little balcony. This is our view from the hotel:



The next day we decided to go to EPCOT. I believe this is the day we also walked down to Joe's Crab Shack where we had the best meal we've ever had before (and the most expensive!) But it was totally worth it. They even made us wear bibs (Phil wasn't too thrilled to be wearing it - especially since it said I love crabs). Here are a bunch of random pictures from EPCOT.

Phil and I waiting for our shuttle to EPCOT.

At Joe's Crab Shack! Food was sooo yummy :)

The next day we went to the Magic Kingdom. Misc. pics from that day: We got rained on towards the end of the day - I stole Phil's hat so my hair wouldn't get wet. Sexy, I know...

Just thought this shirt was funny! They came in all sizes - baby-adult.

I prefer the crane in tha background...

One of my favorite treats!!!





The next day we took a "lazy day". We walked down to IHop for breakfast and then hung out at the pool and then later went to Downtown Disney for dinner at Planet Hollywood. We even splurged and ordered room service and a movie! Too bad I fell asleep during the movie. :( Pics:

Room service :)

Phil got to play in the arcade room next to the pool after I got done sitting in the sun.

After we were done at the pool we went to Downtown Disney which was almost right across the road from our hotel. There were a ton of kids down here... Phil and I walked through Lego Land and it was terrifying. Kids everywhere - running around, screaming, crying, tripping you... Phil even took a video of us walking through Lego Land the second time. He thought it would be funny to go back and take a video of the chaos... I didn't think it was funny. Here are a bunch of pics (minus the video):

Here is the boat from Forest Gump! "Jenny"

Planet Hollywood. We ate here twice because the food was aweome and it was so cool! They had movie memorabilia everywhere.

This is the jeep from Ace Ventura, Pet Detective (one of my favorite movies as a kid)!

A dragon made out of legos:

And now Woody made out of legos:

I just thought this looked cool:

After our lazy day we went to Animal Kingdom. Here we took a safari ride and went on the mountain ride (can't for the life of me remember what it's called). Here are some pics from that day:

We took a safari ride and saw a bunch of cool animals - here are a few:

Anyone loose a child??






The last day we went to Hollywood Studios. We saved this one for last because we thought it would be the most fun. This was probably one of my favorites. I think it had the best rides. Pics:

One of my favorite rides :)

Monkeys!

We took more pictures but I think you've probably had enough by now... Saturday morning we slowly got up, packed and headed to the airport to fly home. I was so happy to get home and see my babies! I missed them all (even the cat a little - quiet, don't tell anyone).