That's just crazy talk!

I’m just going to say I’m sorry to all of you “optimistic” people ahead of time because this blog is going to be nothing but negative and pessimistic. I just feel like I need to get a few things off my chest.

I have always considered myself to be mostly optimistic with life. Times have changed and life has gone from pretty good to completely rotten. How can “god” take a great man’s life away in an instant? It is completely not fair and there was no reason for it. And if one more person tells me that “all things happen for a reason”, I just might punch them in the god damn face. Like I said, THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO REASON FOR THIS! There was no “lesson learned”, just heartache. I can’t go one single minute throughout the day without thinking about my dad. I cannot concentrate on anything. Someone will say something to me and I will only pick up half of what they say. One minute I’m fine, the next I’m not. Most people who are around me right now just see the crabby side and I’m sorry for that. I don’t typically show my emotional side to anyone. I wait until I’m at home alone in bed and I cry myself to sleep.

I want to talk about it with someone but I can’t seem to find the words. It feels like nobody knows how I am feeling and they cannot truly put themselves in my place. I wouldn’t want anyone to know how I feel because it is horrible and no one should feel this way BUT it would be nice to talk to someone who can relate. The only person who maybe knows how I feel is Phil because his father died as well. I know it doesn’t make it any easier for him but his dad was sick and they knew that it was only a matter of time. With my dad, it was a complete shock. There was no warning, no nothing. All I got was, “hey Jess, you’d better come to the farm, something happened to your dad.” I never want to relive that night ever again but it keeps playing in my head over and over.

I am pissed at the world, god or whoever it is that took him away from me but I’m also pissed at myself. How could I be so stupid? I loved my father very, very much. I always looked up to him and he was there for me for anything and everything. I’m mad at myself because I didn’t go over and see him as often as I should have. He was just 10 minutes away and I didn’t go over there much because I was too stubborn. Most of you who read this already know that I did not like his wife. I’m so angry with myself for letting that get between my relationship with my dad. In the summer I would go over there on Fridays because I would get off work at 12:30 and I knew she wouldn’t be home until after 5. Other than that I always made sure that they were quick trips because I didn’t want to talk to her. How stupid is that? I should have just dealt with the bad because I always loved chatting with my dad. He would always have these ridiculous stories to tell me. And every time I heard the story it changed a little bit the next time he said it. You could never trust a word that came out of that man’s mouth because he loved to bull shit. One story that I remember is when he ran over a wild boar with his truck by his house. I swear I heard that story more than 5 times. We would keep saying “shut up dad, you already told us that story”. Then he would just keep telling it and laugh at his own story because he thought he was hilarious. I have plenty of wonderful memories and I will never forget them but I am so angry that I will not have anymore. I am angry that he won’t be there to walk me down the isle when I get married. I am angry that he won’t be there to baby-sit his grandkids. I am angry that I will never hear another story 5 times in one day. I am angry that I will never see him again and that Phil will never truly know what a great guy he was because he didn’t know him as well as I did. I’m just totally bitter. Fuck you for taking him away! The pastor said at his funeral that god caught him when he fell. Personally, I think that he didn’t catch him, he pushed him.

I’m sorry everyone for saying those things but that is how I feel right now. Maybe I’ll get over it someday but as of right now I’m pissed off and I just needed to vent a little.

Dad, I miss you every single minute of every single day! I love you.

Here is the other photo Jewells is talking about in her comment. Either way, it is about the same cut. What do you think?

I need a change and I have been wanting to get my hair cut so badly. I have been putting it off because I wanted to have long hair on the day I get married BUT I almost don't care anymore and that is probably a long ways away anyways. So... I need your honest opinions. The picture below resemble how I want my hair cut. But, do I have the right face shape for this type of cut? I don't want to look stupid and once you cut it that short, there is no going back. I just want some opinions people!

Richard Donald Walton, Jr.
I love you Dad and I will miss you dearly.

Finally it has arrived! Today my Aunt Laura, my friend Lynsie and I are going to go see New Moon! I can't frickin' wait, I'm so excited! I heard New Moon was much better than Twilight. I don't see how this can be possible since this was my least favorite of the 4 books but hopefully it is better! I'm a little worried that the movie theater will be full. I keep hearing people say that you have to pre-buy tickets. It is Hudson for crying out loud though! And this is the second day it is playing AND it plays practically every hour.

Before we go see the movie, Lynsie and I are going to venture out to the Tileshop. We both used to work there and we miss Eddie so we want to go visit. I'm just hoping that we don't have to run into Scott. I might get the urge to punch him in the face. After the Tileshop visit we are going to treat ourselves and get lunch at Chipotle! I love Chipotle and Lynsie is just about the only one who will eat there with me! Phil will eat there but he complains about it and Jewells calls it Chipnasty. But Lynsie loves it just as much as I do! :)

Lastly, I'm so damn excited for next Friday! DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING SHOPPING, LESS THAN ONE WEEK AWAY!!! :)

Happy Birthday babe! I love you! I hope you have a fabulous day and I can't wait to join you after work! You mean the world to me. :)

Here is my new tattoo that my boyfriend's sister Rachel drew for me! I absolutely love it! This one definitely hurt twice as bad as the one on my back and I can't wear socks for at least one week! But the pain was tolerable and it was worth it. :)

I know I haven’t written a blog in a long time but I just haven’t had anything to write about. My life lately has been rather boring. This is what my typical day consists of: waking up at 7 o’clock, getting ready for work, driving to work with Jewells, working until 5 o’clock where I then proceed to go home, eat dinner, work on homework for an hour or two and then watch a couple episodes of the OC and then go to bed. This has basically been my routine for the last week or so. Pretty boring huh? Well I actually have plans for the next couple of weekends so I’m hoping that they won’t be quite so boring. This Saturday I am getting my second tattoo. :) :) I’m getting it at a new place in Menomonie that my boyfriend’s sister, Rachel recommended. She is also the one who drew the tattoo! She is very artistic and talented and I wanted my tattoo to mean something so I asked her to draw it. I didn’t want a tattoo that someone else probably had as well. I will post a picture once it is all said and done! I’m slightly nervous for my appointment. I love the sketch but I haven’t seen it in the colors I want yet so hopefully the tattoo artist can show me before he starts. I’m sure he knows what he is doing though! So, other than my tattoo this weekend I have nothing else planned. I’ll probably end up doing homework, cleaning and watching the OC. …Pretty boring.

Next weekend however should not be quite as boring! Friday night my friends Josh & Lynsie are having a Halloween party and I’m quite excited! It sounds like there will be a good amount of people and some people I’ve never met before so it should be a good time. Then on Saturday it is my birthday! I will be turning the big 24! The number makes me feel old but I still feel like I’m only 21 or 22. I’m hoping to have all of my homework done by Friday evening so I can fully enjoy my birthday. I plan on relaxing and lounging around until about 5 o’clock when my friends come over! We are going to go out to eat at The Orchard in Baldwin and do a little pre-drinking there and at my house before we get ready and go out dancing! I’m very excited!!!!!

The next weekend I’m going to go up North to see my family. I’m hoping to leave on Friday afternoon and get there at a decent hour and spend some time with my little sister. She is almost 22 months old! It has been a few months since I last saw her and I didn’t get to see her for more than an hour. In the last few months she has changed so much! She is now talking (baby talk) walking around, dancing, etc. I can’t wait to see her! I’ll be sure to bring my camera and take lots of pictures! Then on Saturday I will go and see my mom who I haven’t seen in a month or two.

Then the next weekend I am assuming Phil and I will celebrate his birthday. He is turning 29! Wow. Hopefully we can get married before he turns 30. ;) (*cough hint *cough)

That is as far as my plans go so far! I have been thinking lately that I really want to take a vacation this winter. I would want to go sometime around February because that is when I feel like I just can’t take winter anymore and I want a break. And I want to go somewhere warm, like Florida, Texas or California. However, I am stuck between taking one or not because of the money. A vacation will probably cost somewhere around $500-800 each. That is a lot of money I could be saving! However, I also try to remind myself that I only live once and that I’m young and I have no children yet and I should do it while I can. Ugh... decisions, decisions.

Anyways, I think I made up for my lack of posts for the last two weeks!

After plenty of searching I have found my Halloween costume! I went from wanting to be a pirate to a witch to a devil to a ninja and lastly to a moulin dancer. I'm pretty sure that the dress is just blown up and it is really much longer. It comes with everything but the shoes and choker! I'm so excited! I love dressing up for Halloween! And it being my birthday too is a huge plus!

;) ;) And daddy will grow to love you, I know he will!

So I am now all done with school for the quarter so I decided to get on my computer and clean up my pictures and organize them. Then I started going down memory lane...

Josh, Jewells and I in the airport waiting to get on a plane to Seattle.

Vegas Baby!! This was only like 2 years ago and we all look so young!

Phil and I on New Years Eve about 2 years ago.

Jewells bachelorette party!

This was years ago!

My 21st birthday, celebrating with Josh, Lynsie, and Phil at Dicks Bar. I was drunk. Josh, Lynsie and Phil were the only ones who were able to go out with me on my 21st because they were the only ones who were 21!

A goofy monday with my crew.

Phil and I for Halloween in 2005, I think.

Jewell's reception after her wedding.

The crew at the cabin in 2009.

Rachel's wedding.

Good Neighbor Days!

My Monday crew again! I love these people.

Chicago a few years ago. We were under the bean.

Girls night 2009!

My stud muffin!

The love of my life! This was at the cabin in 2008. He is so cute!

Seattle.

I just love this picture. This was at Rachel's wedding reception a few years ago.

Some of these pictures are the oldest ones I have because my computer crashed a few years ago and I lost all my old pictures. :( Wish I could have gone through those too!

This dog is so frickin cute. I just had to say it.

The white pig is his new toy... He is very territorial with it. He doesn't want you to touch it unless you are going to throw it for him and he freaks out if you hide it and he didn't see where you put it. He seriously gets mad and frantic trying to find it. He has never acted this way with a new toy. He will not let it out of his sight.

They aren't spoiled at all... (this isn't even all of their toys).

I finally got my blog back to its normal self!!! Now I just need to update it. :-) That makes me happy.

I am very indecisive… I have been going back and forth and all over the place with this house hunting business. I so badly want to buy a house that I find that I’m willing to do almost anything, even live in town. Yes, I said I would be willing to live in town. Me? The one who always said I would never buy a house in town?! I seriously need to compose myself and think about this. What is more important? Buying a house now just because I want one right now? OR Waiting until the right one comes along (even if it means waiting another year or so)? I know what you are thinking, what about the $8,000?! I don’t care about the $8,000. To be honest, I’m not even thinking about that. My guess is that the price of houses will drop 25% after this $8,000 deal from the government goes away. Either way, I don’t care. I have made myself stop and think about this. No, I don’t want to give up my dreams about buying a house out in the country. And no, I’m not willing to buy just any cheap house out in the country. I don’t need a huge house or anything. I just want something with character and a little land and privacy. I have now come back down to reality and am no longer living on cloud 9. We will wait until the right house comes along. No matter how long that takes. Maybe I’ll find it tomorrow or maybe I will find it in a year from now, whatever. Plus, if we wait I’ll be able to save more money and maybe I’ll be earning more money and we could afford something in a higher price range. I have saved a crazy amount of money in the last 5 months. If we don’t have a house within the next 6 months then I can double that. Now that would be awesome. That is all for now... just wanted to tell you all how desperate I was. Glad I snapped out of it.

Sorry it has been a while since I have written a decent blog. I have been a very busy lady the last few weeks with homework and life. Plus, I don’t really have much to talk about. Let’s start with an update of what happened last week. Phil and I had another date night at the Orchard last Friday night. It is incredibly nice to have a decent restaurant within a few miles of our house. Then Saturday we went over to Phil’s mom’s house where we had a family picnic. Phil’s sister, Val was in town (she lives in Portland) and she brought her boyfriend Eduardo over with her so we could all meet him. Eduardo is from Peru and he speaks Spanish. He does speak English fairly well but I can’t always understand him. lol Val speaks Spanish too and I can’t understand a word they are saying when they start talking. Overall the picnic was very nice. Lots of great food and family. :) I have become very fond of my future in-laws. I’m hoping I can get Phil talked in to taking a vacation in February and going up to Portland to visit both of his sisters. We both need a vacation and it would be nice to see his sisters again. Plus we have never been to Portland and I have heard it is very pretty over there. Anyways, then on Sunday we did a little shopping in Woodbury and then headed to the Minnesota State Fair. I gained like two pounds from all the food we ate but it was worth it! We had gyros, cheese curds, ice cream, and of course cotton candy. You can never go to the fair and not get cheese curds or cotton candy! Then we met up with some friends and headed over to see the talent show. Phil and I only stayed for half of it because I could tell it wasn’t Phil’s thing. I think next year we will skip the fair. Maybe do it every other year or something. I just don’t like all the people! It was jam packed and you could barely walk around! Then Monday came along and I went on a little shopping trip with my friend Jewells. It feels like it has been forever since I last went shopping! I got a cute new necklace (which I am wearing right now), a couple new pairs of earrings, two zip up hoodies (both under 8 bucks!), 2 new pairs of pajama bottoms (because Phil HATES my comfy sweat pants), a free pair of undies from Victoria Secret, and a pretty new shirt for work. Then Tuesday it is back to work… and now it is finally Friday. :) Last night Phil and I went and looked at 5 houses. 2 were in Hammond and 3 were in Baldwin. I liked 2 of the houses that were in Baldwin and Phil only liked the 1 and only house I hated. This whole house hunting thing is going to take forever since Phil and I have completely different taste. He hates split level houses, and I don’t really care, it doesn’t bother me one bit. If we are going to buy in town we want a newer house and pretty much all the new houses in our price range are split level. Tonight Phil and I are going to go to the Hammond Hotel. I like going to the small town restaurants. Then Saturday and Sunday I have no plans! I’m so excited to be able to do whatever I want! Except for the fact that I have to do homework. But I’ve only got one more week after this weekend! Then I finally get a tiny break! What else do I have to talk about…. you know, I can’t really think of anything else at the moment. I guess that is all for now.

Only 3 more weeks of the most stressful quarter of my life and then I'll be free for 2 whole weeks! And then I'll start a much easier quarter with much less stress. :) The end is in sight! I can do it! (I hope)

Phil and I had a very nice night last night! We usually try to have a date night every Friday night. It doesn’t always work because we are both busy, especially me, but we try. So last night we decided to try the new restaurant in Baldwin called The Orchard Bar & Grill. It is just down the road from where we live so we were hoping we would like it. We got there around 6:45 and there was an hour wait to get a table! In Baldwin! Phil kinda wanted to go and eat somewhere else but I wanted to stay because I really wanted to try it out, so we stayed. We went to the bar, got a drink and played some darts and then just sat and talked until our table was ready. The Orchard was way better than I thought it was going to be. There was darts, pool tables, hoops, Big Buck Hunter, and a few other games. The building itself was really cool too. I was guessing that the food was going to be really expensive but it really wasn’t. It was actually cheaper to go there than to go to Applebees. Plus they had the most amazing burger I have ever tasted. You should all check it out! Anyways, I just had to tell everyone what a fabulous night I had with Phil! We haven’t had that much fun together in a while and it was really nice to forget about the stress and chaos that is going on in our lives for a little while and just have fun together. I love you babe!! :)

I have been feeling... “weird” all week. It is hard to explain how I’ve been feeling. I feel almost sick, but a different kind of sick that I’ve not felt before. My stomach feels weird, my body feels exhausted and weak, and I’m real tired. I almost feel as though I’m pregnant - I know I’m not but that would be a logical explanation.

What the hell is going on with me this week? Besides feeling sick and crappy I have been up and down and all over the place with my emotions. Mostly I have been down. I am usually an optimistic person, about life in general, but lately everything is negative and I’ve been very crabby and sad. I feel bad for Jewells since we now work together and she has to deal with me every single day, almost all day. Maybe stress is just getting to me. School is taking up a lot of my time and it is very difficult this quarter. I’ve gotten much busier at work so I am always running around trying to get everything done and make everyone happy. Phil and I have 3 months left on our lease and I don’t know where we will be in 3 months… renting still or owning a home? There are issues with my mother which I won’t get into but it is on the top of my worry list. I’m just happy that I’ll be going out this weekend, maybe let loose a little bit and hopefully I will feel better.

I am so very full right now. This is what's in my belly. And I ate ALL of it. Guess the diet went out the window today! That was probably about 2,000 calories right there. (But it was so worth it)

I spend roughly 10-12 hours a DAY on the computer Monday through Friday. Then, I spend an additional 5-8 hours on the computer on the weekend. The only breaks I really get are in the morning when I wake up until the time I go to work, then my ½ hour lunch, then my drive home, and then I usually quit homework around 8 or 8:30. By the end of the day I am exhausted. Let me tell you how excited I am to be done with school. I can’t even tell you how relieved I will be when I am done. I have 2.5 quarters to go after this week. That is… 7 more months. Can I make it? Shoot me now! Actually, this is the last hard quarter. Next quarter I only have 2 classes and then the last quarter I have 1 real class and 1 that doesn’t really count as a real class because it is more like an internship and there aren’t very many assignments. I guess just felt the need to complain to you all and get it off my chest. I think I have done pretty good about not complaining about school up until this point. I have come to the point where I just need to be done. I can definitely say that I will not take free time for granted after I’m done with school and will finally have an abundance of it. I’ll have time to watch more TV, take more walks, read a book, and start re-watching all seasons of Gilmore Girls and some of my other favorite TV shows. Oh I cannot wait!

On a lighter note, I had a fabulous weekend (minus Sunday because I had to leave real early that morning because I had 5 hours of homework waiting for me at home). I got to spend the weekend with my favorite people. We stayed at my friend Rachel’s cabin Friday-Sunday morning. There were 9 of us and 8 dogs. Having 8 dogs was actually less chaotic than I thought it was going to be. We spent all of our time relaxing, playing games, and sitting by the camp fire. The weather wasn’t completely on our side so we didn’t get to go swimming or anything but it was still nice enough to go out on the pontoon and be outside. I would show you photos but I didn’t take any. I’m sure Jewells took a million so maybe she will share some with me. :-)

Tonight we hang out at my house and I hope my friends are ready for some frozen pizza because that is all I have to offer. I’m hoping this weekend I will be able to stay home so we can go do some heavy duty grocery shopping. If not, we are in trouble because we will starve.

There have been a lot of things boggling my mind lately. Lots of them are small things, some are very large things. Let’s start off with just the small things in life.

Should I start drinking coffee again in the morning? I quit drinking caffeine back in the beginning of January. I used to drink about 1 large coffee mug size coffee every morning and at least one pop per day. I gave it all up cold turkey because I wanted to be healthier. It was an exhausting 2 weeks but after that I felt better. Another reason I wanted to give up coffee and pop was because of what it is doing to my teeth. I put a lot of sugary creamer in my coffee and that is not good for teeth. It has been 6, going on 7 months without a cup of coffee and I still miss it very much. Maybe I could start drinking coffee again and just not drink pop still. That’s a good compromise right?

I read that if you eat fruit for three days and nothing but fruit it cleanses your body. I’ve been thinking about doing this. I’m guessing I’ll be spending extra time on the toilet because of this but who cares! I’ll probably loose some weight in the process too! Has anyone tried the 3 day fruit binge?

Should I spend a few bucks and get myself a nice pedicure? I think I deserve it! I’ve had a pretty rough month and a treat would be nice. Who would like to go with me?!

(By the way, I just took a small break while writing this to run over to Holiday gas station to grab a cup of cappuccino… oops! Just talking about it made my mouth water. I had to give in to the temptation.)

Do I cut my hair or leave it long and let it continue to grow? It has been annoying me like crazy lately! I want it cut and cut short. Shoulder length or less. I want to have my hair long when I get married but who knows when the hell that will be.

While we are on the topic of hair, should I continue to dye my hair a darker brunette or should I just let it grow out and go back to my natural color (whatever that is)? I think my natural color is a dirty blond/light brunette. I hate the hassle/money of dyeing my hair but I think it looks better darker.

Should I go and get my tattoo now? I know what I want and I just need a tattoo artist to draw it up. The only thing holding me back is the cost. I don’t know how much it will be but I’m guessing around $250. I was going to get it or my birthday but that isn’t until the end of October. By then it will be cold and I won’t be able to show it off since it will be on my ankle/foot. (PS- I just had a dream last night that I was getting a tattoo and I fell in love with my tattoo artist. Weird.)

Should Phil and I go on a small vacation or not? I would like to get away (obviously, who wouldn’t!) however, I’m trying to save every penny I can for a down payment on a house. So basically, if we went on vacation it would cost at least $300 each which is a lot of money I could be putting into my savings for the house. Technically I have the money to go on vacation and it wouldn’t put me that far back but it would put me back a little and we are looking to get a house by November which is coming up pretty soon here. Plus, if I get my tattoo that will cost as much as a small vacation! So I guess I need to pick between tattoo, small vacation or none.

Should I try to get Phil on board with getting our future Winston (Golden Retriever) within the next few months or do I wait until we get a house? I want this dog so badly! I should probably wait until I get a house since this is a big dog to have in a 1,000 sq ft duplex BUT we could, just maybe be moving in 4 months to a house. Then Winston would only live in our duplex while he is a puppy! But what if we don’t get a house and we end up signing on for one more year at the duplex? Plus Winston will cost roughly $250. Tough one… So I guess it’s between the tattoo, a small vacation, Winston or none! Jeezelaweeze!

Now for one of my big dilemmas and the only one I will share with you. Do I buy a house just to buy a house or do I wait for the right one to come along, even if it means loosing out on the $8,000 from the government? That is a hell of a lot of money to loose out on. I don’t want just any house. I want a unique house where I can see Phil and me in the future with babies and acres and privacy. Right now Phil and I are debating on just buying a house in town because we could find one for much much cheaper and only spend $100 or $200 more a month than our rent. This would obviously be just a “starter home” and we would move out in a couple years. We would do this hoping that the economy is better and hoping to gain a profit. So do we buy a home in town just because they are so much cheaper and save up some money for a house in the country and get that a few years down the road? Or do we just wait until the right one comes along in the country and hope that it doesn’t cost too much? It sure is stressing me out not knowing where I will be in 4 months.

Anyways, I just felt the need to get my random thoughts out there. If you have any opinions, please tell.

Here is what I've been thinking of lately. I want to get another tattoo and I know what i want because I have this picture in my head. I have time to think about this because I want to get it for my birthday and that isn't until October. I know that I want cherry blossoms and I know that I want it on my right ankle kind off like the picture below. I basically want the setup of the picture below but I don't want the flowers to look like that. I also want it to wrap around more on the top of the foot. It is hard for me to explain it to you all but I have a picture and I just need someone to take it out of my head and draw it! So picture this layout, sort off....

....I want the flowers to look like this!!! But this tattoo would obviously need to be changed and redrawn to have a layout more like the first one. Does anyone have a great talent for drawing? I could just go into the tattoo shop and have them draw me something but what if they don't understand what I'm saying and I don't like it? I don't want them to charge me for drawing this up. I guess I don't even know if they charge to draw something up? Opinions? Talent anyone?

So I got up this morning and let Vader outside first thing like I normally do. He always goes pee right away but sometimes he won’t go poop right away so I just bring him back inside and let him go back to sleep with Phil. When Phil got up I asked him to take him outside again because he still needed to go poop. Apparently he didn’t understand and he didn’t take him outside. Vader must have been mad at us because we didn’t take him back outside so guess where he decides to poop? Well, let’s just say this, I went to sit down on the couch to say goodbye to the pups, all dressed up in my cute brown pants, ready to leave for work and guess what I sat on? Yes, it was poop. Still warm and mushy. Cool! Now I have to run and change my pants and I have to put on khakis that are too tight because I had nothing else to wear that would match my shirt. You are probably thinking I should have just changed my shirt too but you don’t realize that it takes me like forever to pick out just one outfit! Now I’m forced to find another one?! No way! I put on the tight pants, made Phil clean up the couch while I rinsed the poop off my pretty brown pants so they didn’t reek up the entire house. Now I’m sitting at work wishing it were already over.

So lately I feel like my world is crashing down around me. I can’t really go into details here but let me just tell you that the situation is NOT pretty. I’m on the worst frickin roller coaster I have ever been on and I want to get off and I’m forced to stay on. I cannot give up and I cannot ignore the situation. I am completely emotionally spent. To top it off, Phil and I got in a fight about something completely different last night. We went and looked at a house that I love for the 3rd time, with my father, a guy who builds houses, and his mother. The “inspection” went really well. There are some things that are wrong with the house (obviously, it is almost 45 years old) but they are all very minor things. Everything that would cost a butt load of money is in great condition. This made me fall in love with the house even more. I was ready to put in an offer and get it inspected by a professional. I was hoping Phil was on the same page and guess what… he wasn’t. Surprise, surprise. So now I’m completely devastated. I have this horrible situation going on with my family and now I find out that we are most likely not going to get the house I love. I guess it is still an “option” for Phil and he wants to keep it on our list but he wants to look elsewhere because there may be something better out there. He says that the more he looks at it, the more he doesn’t like it. I’m the opposite. My guess is that this house will be swept up rather soon and it will be gone forever. :( Sad. But, I just need to keep reminding myself that this is the least of my worries right now and I need to shift my focus away from this right now. God, just when you think something good can happen, everything in life takes a full 180. The only thing I have to look forward to is Saturday morning because I’m going to spend a little time with my aunt Laura. I have been speaking with my family a hell of a lot over the last week and it is quite pathetic to see what it takes for us to all talk on the phone. If this “situation” wasn’t happening, I wouldn’t be talking to them until the next holiday or grad party and we definitely wouldn’t be randomly spending time together. PATHETIC! I guess you can look at the positives in this, I am closer to my family more now than ever before.

P.S. I miss my friends. :-(

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen comes out today!!! How exciting is that! I have been looking forward to this movie every since the first one came out and I fell in love with it. I'm very sad because I am not able to see it tonight but I will be going to see it Friday night! Can't wait!! Wahooo!!

I really need a vacation right now. Where should I go? I would like to go somewhere far away but I can’t afford to do that. I am saving every penny I can for a down payment on a house (which by the way I think we might have found). So that leaves a small vacation. A small vacation could be nice too. Phil and I were thinking Duluth again. We have only been there once and it was a couple years ago during the fall. It would be nice to go there again but I would also like to go somewhere else. Does anyone have any ideas about a nice little vacation spot that isn’t too far away? We probably want to keep the drive less than 4 hours.

Did I mention that I think Phil and I found our house?! I went and looked at it with my friend Lynsie a couple weeks ago and loved it. I brought Phil to look at it last night and he surprised me by liking it too! We have quite a lot to talk about before we get it inspected and buy the house (if that’s what we want to do) but so far so good. Phil was worried that it wouldn’t have high speed internet from Baldwin-Telecom but I called and they said they did carry it out there. Yay! They just don’t carry cable TV, which is fine by me. If it didn’t have high speed internet from B-Telecom then we would end up paying $150ish for satellite or dish or whatever it is. No thanks! So that was a huge plus for Phil. So sometime over the next few days we will sit down and talk about it. I’m trying not to get too excited about it because I don’t want to give my hopes up but I can actually see myself living there. There are 5 beautiful acres, completely private with trees surrounding the entire property. It is a huge house. I think there are 5 bedrooms, there are 3 bathrooms, a huge living room, a huge basement, a huge deck, a cute sunroom, a huge pole barn and a two door garage. There is work that needs to be done but they are all pretty small projects with the exception of the kitchen (which is workable as-is). Phil would like to look at more houses to be sure but I am set on this one. So I guess we will see and I’ll keep you updated. :-)