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8:23 AM Posted In anger , dad , sadness Edit This 0 Comments »
December 4, 2009 was the last time I talked to my dad. We talked for about 40 minutes while I was on my way home from New Richmond. I remember most of our conversation very clearly and I remember the end of our conversation like it was yesterday. Towards the end of our conversation we were joking around and I was telling him to stop texting me stupid and racist jokes (he had just learned to text and forward jokes so I got them all the stinkin time). He laughed and said fine, he won’t send me anymore of those. Then he said he wanted to send me an actual picture of a 12 pt buck he shot. I told him those are the kinds of pictures he can send me! I got off the phone with him seconds later and seconds later I got his text. It was another racist joke. Here is the 12 pt buck:
I remember laughing so hard at how dumb my dad could be. I remember getting home and talking to Phil about how it and feeling so proud that he was my dad.
Today marks 2 years since my dad died and I’m still not dealing with it. I thought I would at least attempt to do something about it so I decided to write how I feel. This blog is mainly for myself and I don’t care who reads this. Like I said, this is for me and I don’t care what anyone else thinks about it. Judge me if you wish. I need to get this off my chest and I can’t seem to talk about it out loud so I thought I’d write it on paper (so to speak).
I think about my dad very often and I miss him very much. Sometimes my eyes will start to fill with tears and every so often a few will drop but most likely, they won’t. This is because shortly after I start to feel sad and miss him I get extremely angry. I have an extremely strong hate towards skank (I will not bring myself to even say her name because she doesn’t deserve that). Skank was my dad’s “wife”. She was nothing but a negative part in my dad’s life. Weeks before the accident my dad wanted a divorce. He spoke open about wanting one but he didn’t want to have to go through it again – but he knew he had to. She is the reason why my dad isn’t here today. I still can’t explain what happened that horrible, horrible night but I do feel strongly about one thing – it was no accident. They got in a fight that night so he stormed home and went to work. My mind travels from one theory to another. Either way, no matter which theory of mine I go with, she is the reason why he’s not here.
After he died her greedy, selfish ways came out even stronger. I’m not going to get into all the details of that but I just have to say that I HATE HATE HATE her so much for ruining his life and turning ours upside-down. She tortured us for over a year after my dad died by being a constant greedy bitch and yet even though I haven’t seen or talked to her in almost a year she is still torturing me to this day. I wish so much that I could just get her out of my head. I want to stop hating but I feel like I can’t get past my anger. I want to miss my dad without her popping into my head and without all of the anger I feel. I want to remember my dad and only my dad.
That’s all I can get out today.
I remember laughing so hard at how dumb my dad could be. I remember getting home and talking to Phil about how it and feeling so proud that he was my dad.
Today marks 2 years since my dad died and I’m still not dealing with it. I thought I would at least attempt to do something about it so I decided to write how I feel. This blog is mainly for myself and I don’t care who reads this. Like I said, this is for me and I don’t care what anyone else thinks about it. Judge me if you wish. I need to get this off my chest and I can’t seem to talk about it out loud so I thought I’d write it on paper (so to speak).
I think about my dad very often and I miss him very much. Sometimes my eyes will start to fill with tears and every so often a few will drop but most likely, they won’t. This is because shortly after I start to feel sad and miss him I get extremely angry. I have an extremely strong hate towards skank (I will not bring myself to even say her name because she doesn’t deserve that). Skank was my dad’s “wife”. She was nothing but a negative part in my dad’s life. Weeks before the accident my dad wanted a divorce. He spoke open about wanting one but he didn’t want to have to go through it again – but he knew he had to. She is the reason why my dad isn’t here today. I still can’t explain what happened that horrible, horrible night but I do feel strongly about one thing – it was no accident. They got in a fight that night so he stormed home and went to work. My mind travels from one theory to another. Either way, no matter which theory of mine I go with, she is the reason why he’s not here.
After he died her greedy, selfish ways came out even stronger. I’m not going to get into all the details of that but I just have to say that I HATE HATE HATE her so much for ruining his life and turning ours upside-down. She tortured us for over a year after my dad died by being a constant greedy bitch and yet even though I haven’t seen or talked to her in almost a year she is still torturing me to this day. I wish so much that I could just get her out of my head. I want to stop hating but I feel like I can’t get past my anger. I want to miss my dad without her popping into my head and without all of the anger I feel. I want to remember my dad and only my dad.
That’s all I can get out today.
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