That's just crazy talk!

I am a planner, we all know this. And when I get something in my head, I have to do it right now. I can’t do it a week later or even a day later. I have to do it right away. As of July 31st Phil and I don’t know where we are going to be living. Will we be in our new house? Will we be at Rita’s? Will we be in a different house or apartment? Who freakin knows?! I sure don’t. And if we do get our wish and get this house will we even have time to get everything we need before our lease is up? I’m guessing that if we get this house, they are going to close last minute and we won’t have a washer, dryer, lawn mower and fridge when we move in. But that is the last of my worries right now. First we need to get the house. That’s the most important thing.

So I’ve got all these “what ifs” and plans upon plans floating in my head. It is getting bad. All weekend I couldn’t sit down and relax until I was completely exhausted because I had to be doing something... something to help ease the anxiety. So I power cleaned the carpets and the couches with the steam cleaner and did some more unusual cleaning. This week I’m going to paint my two tables and lamps that will look so cute in the house. That might keep me busy enough for a few days.

I can’t fall asleep at night because my brain won’t shut off. One minute I’m excited about all the decorating I want to do, the next minute I’m terrified because I think this is all going to fall through and we will no longer have a home – just a place to crash. And if we don’t get the house then for how long will we be at Rita’s? And what will we do with all our stuff? We would definitely need to put the majority of our stuff in storage but where? The last few nights I have been completely exhausted but I can’t fall asleep! Then I wake up in the middle of the night and my brain decides to start its planning mode again and I can’t get back to sleep. So today I’m stressed and tired and have high anxiety. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m more like my mother than I thought. Not good. The anxiety is really starting to get bad. Anybody know any remedies to help anxiety go away? What seems to help is doing what I can now for our house (like painting my tables, cleaning the weird things in our apartment for when we leave, shopping for little things for the house, etc.) I can’t imagine how much worse this is going to be next month at this time if we still haven’t heard back from the bank. Agh!!!